Honda will burn!!!

So, those of you who have been listening up on this debacle with Honda will know that yesterday (09/12/09) I picked up my car and unto my knowledge I had no idea what was to proceed the half baked smiles and seemingly soul crushing handshakes.

When I picked up the car yesterday, I was assured that there wouldn't be a problem with the car and that everything was in order.  What the hell do I know, I'm a social commentator...how would I know what has been replaced and what hasn't.  I handed over the courtesy car which I was slowly but surely falling in love with with every turn of its key.

I climbed into my own, feeling somewhat alien behind a wheel of a car I almost wanted to forget.  Everything felt wrong or was it my subconscious playing on my mind forcing my senses to over analyze every single bump, tick, squeak and rattle in the car as I drove off.  The bastards even managed to give me back my car with 1km of petrol left in it...thanks tossers!!!  Driving off I felt this feeling of relief, satisfaction and a glimmer of ecstasy that it was over...the pain, the anxiety, the stress was over.  It was finally done and the next time I'd have to see this sorry excuse for a service station would be at my next service...in another 30 000kms or so...(I had celebrated too soon)...

This morning, reeling with contentment from the previous day and evenings success as I even managed to take our weekly poker evening with the boys (I have not won in what seems literally months)...I climb in my unfamiliar front seat, turn the key and push my start button which resembles a dull ruby...she starts.................

THE.LIGHTS.THE F*CKING LIGHTS. THOSE GOD DAMN F*CKING LIGHTS.

It is pain, anguish, anxiety and utter rage all over again.  I sat staring at my steering wheel for the next 30 minutes.  I had to, if I had taken to the road I would have taken it out on the car, myself or whom ever I thought worthy of a serious head on collision.  Yes, I felt like killing.  Scary but not unbelievable for somewhat who is not considered a morning person.  I hate mornings...and this one was no different.

I make my way to Honda cursing and swerving "my bitch" at random cars and pedestrians along the way.  My rage was insurmountable and all the way in the back recesses of my mind I could hear a voice telling me to calm the f*ck down, it's just a car, it's their problem...relax!

"F*CK YOU LITTLE VOICE THAT COULD" ---> yes, it was an internal strife, don't judge me!

As I pulled up to the Honda Service Station, I had the incredible urge to follow up on my "pseudo threats" to drive my car through, not the doors, but through the showroom windows and onto the showroom floor.  The urge was an incredible rush, it made me heated, physically hot all over!  I felt like I was going to black out as I stopped breathing for I don't know how long.

I ask for "King Dick""The Service King" and patiently waited at the seating area on the showroom floor.  Yes, I waited, didn't kick, scream or perform...I waited, silently, ready to pounce on the first troll to offer me a lift or a cup of tea ---> GRRRR!!! ---> I'm pathetic, I know...

He finally finds time out of his, apparently tremendously busy schedule to see me.

"Good Morning Sir ("Sir", I love that shit...I wanted to scream, now roll over and play dead!)" he said almost surprised to see me.

"Hello", I replied, steely, cold and ready to pounce.

"What seems to be the problem?" The Service King asked
"What do you think?" I answered, almost interrupting him.
"No, I can't believe it, it's impossible, it should have worked itself out now" said The Service King.
"Umm...no, it's still f*cked" I snapped, he now knows I mean business.

To cut this story somewhat short - because I'm actually finding this quite draining - is that he took the car back into the bellows of the cesspit and returned approximately an hour later.  Yes an hour, by that time I had waged war on the irritations beauty therapists call cuticles.  I have none let.

He handed over the keys reassuring me that he had reset the CPU (which these prats had done previously) and told me that "everything should be in order".  I cannot tell you off hand what I will do tomorrow if I have to go through this again.

I am refusing to write another complaint through HelloPeter because of the magnanimous admin that that website puts you through just to lay a complaint about the accused.  As much as I want to, I can't say "that these trolls better have gotten it right this time or I'll..."...yah, what can I do but bend over and take it up the tail pipe all over again???

Until tomorrow, this is David, the anal receiving Honda driver, painfully signing off.

Twitter Down ---> my life is over!!!

So, anyone who's anyone with some kind of social media experience and knowledge knows that Twitter went down last night (Time Zone: South Africa: 01:15) and was off line for approximately 20-30mins and...(don't judge me...) it was as though my world had ended...not really, but at the time...my quarter past one in the morning temper went through the roof...I even had a go at the screen...pacing up and down my study questioning what could have lead to this ridiculously timed crash of a seemingly simple social media platform.

I calmed down and wondered to myself how many times Twitter had rolled down the curtain for an interlude since it's inception.  Now whether the down time was for maintenance, debugging or Tim-The-Twitter-ToolMan-Taylor accidentally shut down the wrong server is unknown...what ever it was...it annoyed me to no end.

This morning I awoke to find I was again irritated, but directly at myself for how stupidly I acted in private about something so meaningless and pathetic.  I even had a little chuckle about it...and I never laugh in the morning...EVAR!!! Had I become so dependent on Twitter to hear my "real time" thoughts? And the fact that I couldn't Tweet or let "the tworld" know what I was thinking at that specific moment in time made me boil over ---> don't get me wrong, it's not like I reached the point of taking a sledge hammer to my laptop, but it irritated me to the extent that I felt cheated, hard done-by and helpless ---> pathetic isn't it...?...I thought so too...

Well, this is an apology to you my precious MacBook Pro...please forgive me for the banter, swearing and physical threats I made to you in the wee hours of this morning...my aggression was unfounded and misplaced...

(Don't think I'm going to get an apology from "Shooogah" anytime soon...boooooo!)

Honda can go F*ck themselves...

This post is being written with a head full of mucus, stiff body and on a stinkingly hot day.

To make a f*cking long story very short, I was in a bumper bashing some 6 weeks ago...after a huge annoyance with the panel beaters know as "Grand Panel Beaters" who did less than a shitty job putting my car back together (*FYI* My car was not aesthetically complete until I found out the true source of the electrical problems.).  I took the car thinking everything was (relatively) hunky-doory, there was a front towing cap missing and some lines weren't right, but I needed it ok...the next morning I turn on the car and my ABS light and VSA (Stability Control) light comes on in the car.  So I think to myself, this is definitely an electrical or "Honda Orientated" issue...so like any other dumbass, I take it on down to the dealership/service center where I originally bought the car...to explain what happened in dialogue orientated D!ck terms...

"Oh don't worry sir, simple problem to fix, the battery is probably run down from when the panel beaters fixed your car!" Says greasy person.

"Yah, that makes perfect sense, so what's the plan...?" I ask unbeknown of the bullsh!t that will ensue.

"We'll just reset the computer and everything will be fine" Said the grease monkey.

"Rocking!" I reply. (Dumbass)

So, everything seems fine and the brakes are perfect and off I go.

The next morning I wake up, turn on the car and *BANG* the f*cking same lights come on again - unf*ckingbelievable - so there I go, back to Honda and inquire once again about what the issue is.

What came from the second encounter with The Service King and Troupe at this sorry excuse for a dealership was that my battery must have dead cells in it or some sh!t...that's great...they then proceeded to want to charge me for a battery - R1200.00 - are you f*cked in the head???  I drive off searching frantically for a Battery Center, have another one installed and everything is back to being hunky-f*cking-doory...until the next morning...yes...you guess it...

I wake up, and the f*cking-b*tch-c*nt-lights come back on...you can imagine my utter rage...and I don't feel rage often, apart from right now...but yes, rage...so, back to The Cesspit known as Honda I go to complain yet again...hey...at least I got a new battery...wait...f*ck...that doesn't sound right...

So, I am eventually handed over to "The Service Manager" of the center, he rigs my car up to some ancient computer that tells him...not me...him, that my car's ABS Sensor and Pump have stopped working and could be damaged..."Oh, you think?"....

"That's great" I say, "What do you want me to do about it...?"

The Service King answers with, "It's not yours or my problem sir, it was the panel beaters prerogative to change this part as it was most likely damaged in the accident".

"Awesome" I say wanting to simultaneously jam his head in his own ass and make him take 10 deep breaths...(Burn)

I inevitably cannot handle the bullsh!t any more and ask Honda to deliver the car back to the panel beaters (Double Burn) thinking that I'm going to score here, they'll fix the last aesthetic issues I have with the car and they'll replace the ABS pump...(BURN!!!)

...a week later...yes, a week later I pick up the car...lines look great, the colour matches, new light, car cleaned as new...looked great, start it up...no issues...*Thank Christ* I think to myself (And I'm an Atheist...imagine!)  So happy I could have f*cked it...the car I mean...

Next morning...7:15AM...the lights......................f*cking came on...again...the rage...ensues...

After spending a day on the phone between both Honda and Grand Panel Beaters, it was settled that there was a miss communication between the two of them and the part that was supposed to be changed...the f*cking ABS Pump...was not ordered or changed by the panel beaters as they weren't told by Honda...I scream..."Awesome" at the top of my lungs...

What was the final consensus was that the car would be sent back to Honda and they would change the part and the Panels Beaters will sort out the payment between them and Honda for the part...I think to myself, "This is great, the two of them can fight this out and I'll pick up my *biatch* when the smoke clears!" ------> Double Dumbass!!!

So the elusive ABS Pump is now nowhere in sight...literally, not a single dealership or parts warehouse has one in South Africa (Hard to believe it...well f*cking believe it sister...f*ck!)

I have been informed by The Service King that it will take 15 (working) days for the part to arrive from Japan or where ever the hell these parts come from...so, I submit...I can no longer fight...I am a beaten man and my car, like a castrated kitten, sits hopeless at that Cesspit of a Service Station...

Now the fun begins...it has been a week and I have been conveniently placed on the "courtesy car list" - oh, is that a list for all the f*cking morons you like to fob off because you can't handle them making kak for you all blady day??? Huh huhuhuhuhuh...! (BURN!!!)

Today, I have been down their throats about it and still nothing...even though my car has a motor plan, is still on warranty and is currently stored at the exact dealership I bought it from...

I.  Am.  Now.  Ready.  To.  Kill. -------> (BURN!!!)