"Alves has left the building..."

So, I have finally taken the plunge and switched over to Wordpress!

This post is actually "so last year" because I have already made a recent post on my Wordpress *shines nails on shirt with a smug look upon his face* blog ---> Yes, Wordpress...I chose the form because, for one...even though I've heard good and bad remarks about the platform...the good that I have heard has been overwhelming! Secondly, the Customization of a Wordpress blog is completely superior to that of Blogger/Blogspot (No offense guys...!)...look, the truth will set you free, but first it's going to piss you off...

Wordpress is incredible, I have already had super reviews on my new blog and it's barely been up a week and to top it all off, I'm still using a generic template for the aesthetics of the blog! I've been lucky enough to have been approached by a web designer who is willing to give me a free "personally customized" theme for my blog ---> Think this will be my right chance opportunity to be picky about a design that I'm not personally working on myself...should be rather interesting!

To cut this short, those of you who are readers of this blog or happen to trip over my *awesomesness* and read this hogwash, please know that I have moved...and am currently very happy where I am! Please come and pay me a visit at my new blog |Swimming Upstream|v2.0| ---> The look and feel is still very generic, but it contains all of my past blogs and categories/tags from this my original blog.

I hope you'll miss me enough to come and check out the "new...digital me" ---> Thanks for reading!

Regards

Dave

"So you think your BOYFRIEND is weird???" - I was nominated!!!

So here's the story,

Sheena Gates (AKA: SheBeeGee) posted a blog on the similarities between her strange boyfriend and a character/Vampire from the trending TV program at the moment know as "Vampire Diaries" ---> Now, since being tied and tortured to watch the first installment of the Twilight series, I refuse to subject myself to anymore sparkly douchebags...even though Vuzu claim that "their vampires DON'T sparkle"...Hmmm...I'll believe it when I see it.........douchebags!

The plot is as follows: *yawn* ---> Kidding!

It’s Elena’s first day back at Mystic Falls High School since the tragic death of her parents. Along with her Aunt Jenna, Elena tries her best to look after her troubled younger brother, Jeremy, and salvage what family they have left. The first day is already shaping up to be a struggle for Elena until she meets the mysterious new kid at school, Stefan. Elena is touched that he can relate to what she’s going through. What Elena doesn’t know is that Stefan is a vampire, constantly resisting the urge to taste her blood. As their undeniable connection grows deeper, Stefan’s dangerous older brother, Damon, shows up to wreak havoc on the town of Mystic Falls and claim Elena for himself.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES is based on the bestselling book series from Alloy Entertainment, which has recently been re-released and is enjoying time on The New York Times Best Sellers list. Vampire Diaries is also the most watched series premier in US network history.

To cut a long story short, Sheena asked for replies to "so you think your BOYFRIEND is weird", asking her readers to send in their weird and strange occurrences that their boyfriends have subjected them too...now, I figured this post was mainly for the female readers and was reluctant to post a reply in case people got the wrong impression of me *coughI'mnotgaycough*...so I decided to post some of the quirky/strange/weird/possibly psychotic thing I have done in relationships for "shits and giggles" you see!

To my surprise, not more than two weeks later, I was informed by Sheena herself that my reply to her post was selected as one of the funniest in her reply feed...*Wo0t* ---> I know right? Right? Right!


So, now I stand the chance to win a Blackberry Bold 9000 Smartphone...(Shibby!!!)...I never win anything so I'm not expecting the sky to fall down anytime soon, but I would appreciate your votes...who ever is out there...

Trawl along to: Use your Voice and Vote Post on Vuzu.tv website (embedded link for the AVATARDS) and vote for me! Just a simple click could ensure my journey into the world of smartphone connectivity...!

What's in it for you?  Well, you can mail me your mobile number and I can guarantee you a phone call from my new phone!  Just imagine that feeling of satisfaction when you realise that you made "that connection" possible...just by VOTING...!!

Okay, stop reading and go vote!!! Dammit!!!

Dave

Online Treasure hunt...!!! Go bee'otches Go!!!

Firstly, I am like...lank...honoured to be involved with this little shindig, hosted by @SheeBeeGee of NerdMag...those of you who don't know what "NerdMag" is...well then, you are trolling on my blog...be gone with you troll!  Those of you who know what I'm talking about will know that The Nerdies 2010 have been running for the last week or so and the competition is heating up...well as much as a nerdy competition can heat up...imagine how the "nerd world computer based society" reacted when Quake 2 was released...oh yes...!

Details below: Read. It.

In the final stages of The Nerdies 2010, 10 bloggers around South Africa have been selected to be part of a sudden show down to readers across the country to win some pretty cool prizes in the form of an online treasure hunt.

Up for grabs to the FIRST FOUR lucky treasure hunters:

• 1 years subscription to Connect Magazine, courtesy of Hypertext Media
• A Springleap T-shirt of awesomeness
• A Poken from Poken Africa
• and unfortunately or fortunately to the fourth treasure hunter (ONLY)... R150 Kalahari voucher!

So how do you win these things? Each blogger will do a post on their site, with clues as to where they've hidden The Nerdies Idol inside their blog. 9 of these blogs will have FAIL Idols. If you come across a FAIL idol, skip to the next blog until you find the winning idol.

The bloggers are as follows:

http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com

http://meganstow.wordpress.com

http://becauseican.co.za

http://davidanthonyalves.blogspot.com/ <--- That's meee! (Wo0t.)
http://imod.co.za

http://shebee.co.za

http://blog.empyrean.co.za/
http://justinmccall.co.za
http://www.nickhuntdavis.com/
http://blindcripple.co.za

Once you've been to all the blogs and found the winning idol, there will be a unique code on that page. The FIRST FOUR lucky treasure hunters to either email sheenagates@gmail.com the code, or DM it to @SheBeeGee if you're a follower, will win.

Simple huh? Happy hunting!

My Clue before the Pooh:

"Twitter Dee...Twitter Flee...
Daily 140 Character blurps are no easy feats...
So, tell me...who owns your tweets..."

Now GO and be the "Treasure Hunting Electorates" that you are...

Honda will burn!!!

So, those of you who have been listening up on this debacle with Honda will know that yesterday (09/12/09) I picked up my car and unto my knowledge I had no idea what was to proceed the half baked smiles and seemingly soul crushing handshakes.

When I picked up the car yesterday, I was assured that there wouldn't be a problem with the car and that everything was in order.  What the hell do I know, I'm a social commentator...how would I know what has been replaced and what hasn't.  I handed over the courtesy car which I was slowly but surely falling in love with with every turn of its key.

I climbed into my own, feeling somewhat alien behind a wheel of a car I almost wanted to forget.  Everything felt wrong or was it my subconscious playing on my mind forcing my senses to over analyze every single bump, tick, squeak and rattle in the car as I drove off.  The bastards even managed to give me back my car with 1km of petrol left in it...thanks tossers!!!  Driving off I felt this feeling of relief, satisfaction and a glimmer of ecstasy that it was over...the pain, the anxiety, the stress was over.  It was finally done and the next time I'd have to see this sorry excuse for a service station would be at my next service...in another 30 000kms or so...(I had celebrated too soon)...

This morning, reeling with contentment from the previous day and evenings success as I even managed to take our weekly poker evening with the boys (I have not won in what seems literally months)...I climb in my unfamiliar front seat, turn the key and push my start button which resembles a dull ruby...she starts.................

THE.LIGHTS.THE F*CKING LIGHTS. THOSE GOD DAMN F*CKING LIGHTS.

It is pain, anguish, anxiety and utter rage all over again.  I sat staring at my steering wheel for the next 30 minutes.  I had to, if I had taken to the road I would have taken it out on the car, myself or whom ever I thought worthy of a serious head on collision.  Yes, I felt like killing.  Scary but not unbelievable for somewhat who is not considered a morning person.  I hate mornings...and this one was no different.

I make my way to Honda cursing and swerving "my bitch" at random cars and pedestrians along the way.  My rage was insurmountable and all the way in the back recesses of my mind I could hear a voice telling me to calm the f*ck down, it's just a car, it's their problem...relax!

"F*CK YOU LITTLE VOICE THAT COULD" ---> yes, it was an internal strife, don't judge me!

As I pulled up to the Honda Service Station, I had the incredible urge to follow up on my "pseudo threats" to drive my car through, not the doors, but through the showroom windows and onto the showroom floor.  The urge was an incredible rush, it made me heated, physically hot all over!  I felt like I was going to black out as I stopped breathing for I don't know how long.

I ask for "King Dick""The Service King" and patiently waited at the seating area on the showroom floor.  Yes, I waited, didn't kick, scream or perform...I waited, silently, ready to pounce on the first troll to offer me a lift or a cup of tea ---> GRRRR!!! ---> I'm pathetic, I know...

He finally finds time out of his, apparently tremendously busy schedule to see me.

"Good Morning Sir ("Sir", I love that shit...I wanted to scream, now roll over and play dead!)" he said almost surprised to see me.

"Hello", I replied, steely, cold and ready to pounce.

"What seems to be the problem?" The Service King asked
"What do you think?" I answered, almost interrupting him.
"No, I can't believe it, it's impossible, it should have worked itself out now" said The Service King.
"Umm...no, it's still f*cked" I snapped, he now knows I mean business.

To cut this story somewhat short - because I'm actually finding this quite draining - is that he took the car back into the bellows of the cesspit and returned approximately an hour later.  Yes an hour, by that time I had waged war on the irritations beauty therapists call cuticles.  I have none let.

He handed over the keys reassuring me that he had reset the CPU (which these prats had done previously) and told me that "everything should be in order".  I cannot tell you off hand what I will do tomorrow if I have to go through this again.

I am refusing to write another complaint through HelloPeter because of the magnanimous admin that that website puts you through just to lay a complaint about the accused.  As much as I want to, I can't say "that these trolls better have gotten it right this time or I'll..."...yah, what can I do but bend over and take it up the tail pipe all over again???

Until tomorrow, this is David, the anal receiving Honda driver, painfully signing off.

Twitter Down ---> my life is over!!!

So, anyone who's anyone with some kind of social media experience and knowledge knows that Twitter went down last night (Time Zone: South Africa: 01:15) and was off line for approximately 20-30mins and...(don't judge me...) it was as though my world had ended...not really, but at the time...my quarter past one in the morning temper went through the roof...I even had a go at the screen...pacing up and down my study questioning what could have lead to this ridiculously timed crash of a seemingly simple social media platform.

I calmed down and wondered to myself how many times Twitter had rolled down the curtain for an interlude since it's inception.  Now whether the down time was for maintenance, debugging or Tim-The-Twitter-ToolMan-Taylor accidentally shut down the wrong server is unknown...what ever it was...it annoyed me to no end.

This morning I awoke to find I was again irritated, but directly at myself for how stupidly I acted in private about something so meaningless and pathetic.  I even had a little chuckle about it...and I never laugh in the morning...EVAR!!! Had I become so dependent on Twitter to hear my "real time" thoughts? And the fact that I couldn't Tweet or let "the tworld" know what I was thinking at that specific moment in time made me boil over ---> don't get me wrong, it's not like I reached the point of taking a sledge hammer to my laptop, but it irritated me to the extent that I felt cheated, hard done-by and helpless ---> pathetic isn't it...?...I thought so too...

Well, this is an apology to you my precious MacBook Pro...please forgive me for the banter, swearing and physical threats I made to you in the wee hours of this morning...my aggression was unfounded and misplaced...

(Don't think I'm going to get an apology from "Shooogah" anytime soon...boooooo!)

Honda can go F*ck themselves...

This post is being written with a head full of mucus, stiff body and on a stinkingly hot day.

To make a f*cking long story very short, I was in a bumper bashing some 6 weeks ago...after a huge annoyance with the panel beaters know as "Grand Panel Beaters" who did less than a shitty job putting my car back together (*FYI* My car was not aesthetically complete until I found out the true source of the electrical problems.).  I took the car thinking everything was (relatively) hunky-doory, there was a front towing cap missing and some lines weren't right, but I needed it ok...the next morning I turn on the car and my ABS light and VSA (Stability Control) light comes on in the car.  So I think to myself, this is definitely an electrical or "Honda Orientated" issue...so like any other dumbass, I take it on down to the dealership/service center where I originally bought the car...to explain what happened in dialogue orientated D!ck terms...

"Oh don't worry sir, simple problem to fix, the battery is probably run down from when the panel beaters fixed your car!" Says greasy person.

"Yah, that makes perfect sense, so what's the plan...?" I ask unbeknown of the bullsh!t that will ensue.

"We'll just reset the computer and everything will be fine" Said the grease monkey.

"Rocking!" I reply. (Dumbass)

So, everything seems fine and the brakes are perfect and off I go.

The next morning I wake up, turn on the car and *BANG* the f*cking same lights come on again - unf*ckingbelievable - so there I go, back to Honda and inquire once again about what the issue is.

What came from the second encounter with The Service King and Troupe at this sorry excuse for a dealership was that my battery must have dead cells in it or some sh!t...that's great...they then proceeded to want to charge me for a battery - R1200.00 - are you f*cked in the head???  I drive off searching frantically for a Battery Center, have another one installed and everything is back to being hunky-f*cking-doory...until the next morning...yes...you guess it...

I wake up, and the f*cking-b*tch-c*nt-lights come back on...you can imagine my utter rage...and I don't feel rage often, apart from right now...but yes, rage...so, back to The Cesspit known as Honda I go to complain yet again...hey...at least I got a new battery...wait...f*ck...that doesn't sound right...

So, I am eventually handed over to "The Service Manager" of the center, he rigs my car up to some ancient computer that tells him...not me...him, that my car's ABS Sensor and Pump have stopped working and could be damaged..."Oh, you think?"....

"That's great" I say, "What do you want me to do about it...?"

The Service King answers with, "It's not yours or my problem sir, it was the panel beaters prerogative to change this part as it was most likely damaged in the accident".

"Awesome" I say wanting to simultaneously jam his head in his own ass and make him take 10 deep breaths...(Burn)

I inevitably cannot handle the bullsh!t any more and ask Honda to deliver the car back to the panel beaters (Double Burn) thinking that I'm going to score here, they'll fix the last aesthetic issues I have with the car and they'll replace the ABS pump...(BURN!!!)

...a week later...yes, a week later I pick up the car...lines look great, the colour matches, new light, car cleaned as new...looked great, start it up...no issues...*Thank Christ* I think to myself (And I'm an Atheist...imagine!)  So happy I could have f*cked it...the car I mean...

Next morning...7:15AM...the lights......................f*cking came on...again...the rage...ensues...

After spending a day on the phone between both Honda and Grand Panel Beaters, it was settled that there was a miss communication between the two of them and the part that was supposed to be changed...the f*cking ABS Pump...was not ordered or changed by the panel beaters as they weren't told by Honda...I scream..."Awesome" at the top of my lungs...

What was the final consensus was that the car would be sent back to Honda and they would change the part and the Panels Beaters will sort out the payment between them and Honda for the part...I think to myself, "This is great, the two of them can fight this out and I'll pick up my *biatch* when the smoke clears!" ------> Double Dumbass!!!

So the elusive ABS Pump is now nowhere in sight...literally, not a single dealership or parts warehouse has one in South Africa (Hard to believe it...well f*cking believe it sister...f*ck!)

I have been informed by The Service King that it will take 15 (working) days for the part to arrive from Japan or where ever the hell these parts come from...so, I submit...I can no longer fight...I am a beaten man and my car, like a castrated kitten, sits hopeless at that Cesspit of a Service Station...

Now the fun begins...it has been a week and I have been conveniently placed on the "courtesy car list" - oh, is that a list for all the f*cking morons you like to fob off because you can't handle them making kak for you all blady day??? Huh huhuhuhuhuh...! (BURN!!!)

Today, I have been down their throats about it and still nothing...even though my car has a motor plan, is still on warranty and is currently stored at the exact dealership I bought it from...

I.  Am.  Now.  Ready.  To.  Kill. -------> (BURN!!!)

Being quiet, maybe too quiet...

So my dear readers, or non-existent readers...

I have been somewhat quiet over the last couple of months, but this in no way implies that I have stopped writing, because I have and have been very diligent about what subjects I have approached. In the last couple of months I have been writing article for my digital magazine and it seems to be getting great reviews.

The articles have ranged from everything eco-orientated to social media and back again, so yes, I am trying my hand at some social commentary when it comes to industries such as fashion, which unfortunately I have no education about expect for my own sense of style which is probably still firmly planted in the late 90's - so sue me!

I was given some brilliant advise by one of my very good friends and social media "go-to-guy" Nic Haralambous who, I can assure you, has a much better resolve and education on the "blogosphere" in South Africa as well as social media trends...he advised me to not update my blog as often as I have been writing but to save my blogs, pre-schedule them as posts and have them bomb off, so-to-speak, randomly throughout the next couple of months. Unfortunately, i have not post anything in between my last post and this cry for a pardon (regardless of the amount, or lack of followers on my blog), owning a blog is a responsibility and I have not kept my side of the deal...and I apologise, through my teeth I must highlight.

Another reason "Nic The Guru" told me to hold back on the posting is that he explained to me that the quicker I switch to my own domain and a Wordpress theme, the more "legitimate" and "blogosphere accepted" my blog will be - what ever the hell that means, in essence, I get it and there is definite merit to it all. Hopefully I will be able to transfer most of the simple little touches I have added to this blog at the moment, such as my "Twitter Feed" and "Twit Pic's" which I thought I was being extremely clever in managing to do - (pats himself on the back!)

To end, I will do my best to keep writing updates posts to relieve the cobwebs that seem to be making themselves at home on my blog.

"Bang-----------and the dirt is gone!"