|Swimming Upstream|

"Alves has left the building..."

2010-02-26T01:38:00.000+02:00

So, I have finally taken the plunge and switched over to Wordpress!

This post is actually "so last year" because I have already made a recent post on my Wordpress *shines nails on shirt with a smug look upon his face* blog ---> Yes, Wordpress...I chose the form because, for one...even though I've heard good and bad remarks about the platform...the good that I have heard has been overwhelming! Secondly, the Customization of a Wordpress blog is completely superior to that of Blogger/Blogspot (No offense guys...!)...look, the truth will set you free, but first it's going to piss you off...

Wordpress is incredible, I have already had super reviews on my new blog and it's barely been up a week and to top it all off, I'm still using a generic template for the aesthetics of the blog! I've been lucky enough to have been approached by a web designer who is willing to give me a free "personally customized" theme for my blog ---> Think this will be my ~~right~~ ~~chance~~ opportunity to be picky about a design that I'm not personally working on myself...should be rather interesting!

To cut this short, those of you who are readers of this blog or happen to trip over my *awesomesness* and read this hogwash, please know that I have moved...and am currently very happy where I am! Please come and pay me a visit at my new blog |Swimming Upstream|v2.0| ---> The look and feel is still very generic, but it contains all of my past blogs and categories/tags from this my original blog.

I hope you'll miss me enough to come and check out the "new...digital me" ---> Thanks for reading!

Regards

Dave

"So you think your BOYFRIEND is weird???" - I was nominated!!!

2010-02-17T11:11:00.001+02:00

So here's the story,

Sheena Gates (AKA: SheBeeGee) posted a blog on the similarities between her strange boyfriend and a character/Vampire from the trending TV program at the moment know as "Vampire Diaries" ---> Now, since being tied and tortured to watch the first installment of the Twilight series, I refuse to subject myself to anymore sparkly douchebags...even though Vuzu claim that "their vampires DON'T sparkle"...Hmmm...I'll believe it when I see it.........douchebags!

The plot is as follows: *yawn* ---> Kidding!

It’s Elena’s first day back at Mystic Falls High School since the tragic death of her parents. Along with her Aunt Jenna, Elena tries her best to look after her troubled younger brother, Jeremy, and salvage what family they have left. The first day is already shaping up to be a struggle for Elena until she meets the mysterious new kid at school, Stefan. Elena is touched that he can relate to what she’s going through. What Elena doesn’t know is that Stefan is a vampire, constantly resisting the urge to taste her blood. As their undeniable connection grows deeper, Stefan’s dangerous older brother, Damon, shows up to wreak havoc on the town of Mystic Falls and claim Elena for himself.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES is based on the bestselling book series from Alloy Entertainment, which has recently been re-released and is enjoying time on The New York Times Best Sellers list. Vampire Diaries is also the most watched series premier in US network history.

To cut a long story short, Sheena asked for replies to "so you think your BOYFRIEND is weird", asking her readers to send in their weird and strange occurrences that their boyfriends have subjected them too...now, I figured this post was mainly for the female readers and was reluctant to post a reply in case people got the wrong impression of me *coughI'mnotgaycough*...so I decided to post some of the quirky/strange/weird/possibly psychotic thing I have done in relationships for "shits and giggles" you see!

To my surprise, not more than two weeks later, I was informed by Sheena herself that my reply to her post was selected as one of the funniest in her reply feed...*Wo0t* ---> I know right? Right? Right!

So, now I stand the chance to win a Blackberry Bold 9000 Smartphone...(Shibby!!!)...I never win anything so I'm not expecting the sky to fall down anytime soon, but I would appreciate your votes...who ever is out there...

Trawl along to: Use your Voice and Vote Post on Vuzu.tv website (embedded link for the AVATARDS) and vote for me! Just a simple click could ensure my journey into the world of smartphone connectivity...!

What's in it for you? Well, you can mail me your mobile number and I can guarantee you a phone call from my new phone! Just imagine that feeling of satisfaction when you realise that you made "that connection" possible...just by VOTING...!!

Okay, stop reading and go vote!!! Dammit!!!

Dave

Online Treasure hunt...!!! Go bee'otches Go!!!

2010-02-11T16:36:00.002+02:00

Firstly, I am like...lank...honoured to be involved with this little shindig, hosted by @SheeBeeGee of NerdMag...those of you who don't know what "NerdMag" is...well then, you are trolling on my blog...be gone with you troll! Those of you who know what I'm talking about will know that The Nerdies 2010 have been running for the last week or so and the competition is heating up...well as much as a nerdy competition can heat up...imagine how the "~~nerd world~~ computer based society" reacted when Quake 2 was released...oh yes...!

Details below: Read. It.

In the final stages of The Nerdies 2010, 10 bloggers around South Africa have been selected to be part of a sudden show down to readers across the country to win some pretty cool prizes in the form of an online treasure hunt.

Up for grabs to the FIRST FOUR lucky treasure hunters:

1 years subscription to Connect Magazine, courtesy of Hypertext Media
A Springleap T-shirt of awesomeness
A Poken from Poken Africa
and unfortunately or fortunately to the fourth treasure hunter (ONLY)... R150 Kalahari voucher!

So how do you win these things? Each blogger will do a post on their site, with clues as to where they've hidden The Nerdies Idol inside their blog. 9 of these blogs will have FAIL Idols. If you come across a FAIL idol, skip to the next blog until you find the winning idol.

The bloggers are as follows:

http://cathjenkin.wordpress.com

http://meganstow.wordpress.com

http://becauseican.co.za

http://davidanthonyalves.blogspot.com/ <--- That's meee! (Wo0t.)
http://imod.co.za

http://shebee.co.za

http://blog.empyrean.co.za/
http://justinmccall.co.za
http://www.nickhuntdavis.com/
http://blindcripple.co.za

Once you've been to all the blogs and found the winning idol, there will be a unique code on that page. The FIRST FOUR lucky treasure hunters to either email sheenagates@gmail.com the code, or DM it to @SheBeeGee if you're a follower, will win.

Simple huh? Happy hunting!

My Clue before the Pooh:

"Twitter Dee...Twitter Flee...
Daily 140 Character blurps are no easy feats...
So, tell me...who owns your tweets..."

Now GO and be the "Treasure Hunting Electorates" that you are...

Is social media dead?

2010-02-02T14:46:00.007+02:00

Now before you run off and go cry in the corner and update your Facebook status from your phone slating me for treachery against your beloved Facebook, My Space and Twitter networks, consider the following…are you really connecting or just self-promoting?

This subject was brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago and I, like you, blatantly chose to ignore it due to my overwhelming belief in the growing world of social media.

Firstly, let me argue the point and hopefully it will give you a different perspective on the dismal use of social media in South Africa. I refer to South Africa specifically because in terms of social media, South Africa is somewhat behind when it comes to the full integration of technology and social media in the work place and consumer orientated industries. Don’t get me wrong, there are many companies out there that are slowly but surely starting to jump onto the social media bandwagon in the form of blogs and the use of Twitter as a “pseudo customer care line” or “trouble shooting” avenue.

Many colleagues of mine have expressed their frustration with the use of social media in South Africa and the limiting factors of such a service. My “tweeps” (the “tweeps” being colleagues in the business, “tweeps” is a derivative of the words Twitter and “Peeps”, which in turn is a colloquialism for the word “people” *ahem*) in the business have expressed such concerns that they are waiting for “the next big thing”, or simply something new? When will it come? What will it be? And if so, who will be at the forefront of this new social media orientated tech? Those working on the “pseudo forefront of digital marketing” and “mobile technology” feel as though we, as South African’s have not necessarily begun to use social media as a viable business tool to develop online interactivity between brand and consumer.

There are at present, over 200 million blogs on the Internet, how many of those are personal blogging orientated is still to be determined, but with this flux of “soul bearing” text and personal banter on the Internet, how effective is it all really? If you look hard enough some of “the success stories” can be found, stories that cover “old school bloggies” that put their foot in the door long before the craze hit and who have now gone on to sell 2 or 3 blogs of their own. This “money for jam” movement has prompted everyone from all walks of life including the ever popular “Mommy Bloggers” who have made successes of themselves by documenting and blogging about the trials and tribulations of Mother hood, yes, including the mental process that is involved in breast-feeding…interesting hey? If you haven’t taken a turn passed some of the many “Mommy Bloggers”, I suggest you give them a peak, even if it’s just the curiosity that gets the better if you. You’ll find that most of the “MB’s” (Mommy Bloggers) out there are simply dispensing advice and others are just using the Internet as an outlet, which is relatively acceptable in my book.

Again, I ask, is any of it valuable? Is there any value in making an impact on everyday life and productivity of corporate companies through social media? It’s no surprise that most of the more established and “old brands” say, “they don’t get Twitter…” and I don’t blame them, my parents can barely work their cellular phones let alone email and internet. Recently, I was asked to explain what Facebook was to my father…I compared the conversation to what I would think teaching a child about life and death was…yes, it was that intensive…! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sharing knowledge, but when you’re asked questions such as…”why would you want to be chat to people from all over the world”…and…”but who are they”…well, you can say, the mindset is just of a different generation. After digressing ever so slightly, a study through Mashable .com has shown that many of the Fortune 100 Companies use social media, but don’t use it effectively enough! This lack of effectiveness in the social media sphere has been highlighted by the following quote:

“Because the analysis was conducted between August 28 and September 4, 2009, it’s possible that some companies have made some improvements in their approach to Twitter within the last couple of months. One thing is for sure, however: a dramatic shift needs to happen for most of these companies to effectively make use of the platform.

When these companies do take a look at their strategy and use of social media, they need to realize that the key element missing is conversation. Twitter, and social media in general, is about two-way communication, which is something that all companies need to realize as they constantly evaluate and tweak their social media use. Companies should also reconsider whether to use a person that is identified with an account, which could improve their engagement and build a personable brand.”

What this study has highlighted is that most of the companies trying to embrace the social media movement are using the online services as a means to have an online presence more than anything else, a lackadaisical approach that will inevitably leave these “well established and innovative” companies in the dust, eventually riding the coat tails of younger companies who have been getting it right from the very beginning (Attempting to pat myself on the back now!). If these companies claim to…”just not get it”…then why not expand their in-house marketing division to encompass digital and social media and have a “team” of consultants looking after issues of this matter…and I say “team”, because if anyone has tried their hand at some kind of advanced social media marketing will know that it really is a full-time-blady-job and unfortunately the eventual reason for them not expanding is greed and supposed unnecessary expenses…it’s sad really if you think about it.

To go back to the issue of social media in South Africa, I think that apart from companies not embracing social media as an online service to connect with consumers, companies are allowing their minimal online presence to portray that of a “faceless” one. I can testify that there is nothing worse than receiving “pseudo company updates” and newsletter highlights on my Twitter Feed…and then to make matters worse, there’s always an inconsistency and one can easily see when “Joe Blogger” (…see what I did there, a social media twist on the generic name Joe Blogs *ahem*) gets his grubby little accountant-like paws on the companies Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn Account and sends personalized updates…wow…don’t do it Joe, just don’t f-cking do it!

One of the many wishy-washy points I’m trying to make here is that without someone or a team of people looking after a corporate social media presence, that company’s online presence will depreciate in value, and online value is measured in interactivity, personalization and a balance between “work and play” so-to-speak.

As a final point, what seems to be growing from strength to strength in South Africa is the embracing of the mobile movement in social media. As cellular phones become more and more advanced with the developments in android and smart phone technology, social media is developing the “way it should be”…with a mobile driven orientation. There are various companies developing their own “mobi-sites” creating a connection to an entirely different demographic, a younger, more engaging and most of all, mobile generation of consumers. Mobile is the future, heed my words techie guru’s! (Thanks Nic.)

To end off, here’s a short summary of the way it should be done…

12 factors to “my knowledge” to remember when handling a corporate Social Media Account:

1. Balance company information and easy “listening” tweets or posts.

2. Conversation is key.

3. Conversation is key. (Yes, I wrote it twice, now…write it down…twice!)

4. Attention is the new currency of the web.

5. Consumerism has shifted away from mass media to conversational media.

6. Respect your audience.

7. Respect your resources and always give direct references and “Retweets”.

8. Knowledge is the quintessential “trading merchandise” of now – kind of like soccer cards of the early 90’s.

9. “Usual Business” has been replaced by the “unusual”. “The unusual is driven by participation, freedom of choice and peer influence rather than control and command structures that steal joy of work and experiential learning”.

10. Stay focused on your industry. Promoting knowledge and other subsidiary information through your online profile is considered “anti-social media”

11. If you are handling a corporate social media account, keep yourself up to date with advancing tech, educate yourself to stay ahead of the curve.

12. Have a social media strategy. Without a strategy or initial proposal for the industry you’re in will inevitably leave you headed in the wrong direction entirely.

Write that down.

formspring.me

2010-01-26T09:25:00.001+02:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/GreenGuerrilla

My ABC's of URL: So much fun!

2009-12-24T12:17:00.001+02:00

Hello there electorate,

So I stumbled across this concept on Nic Haralambous' blog (http://nicharalambous.com/) and thought I'd give it a try and see what comes from it. So the object of this exercise is to clear your address bar in your browser and type in your ABC's, keeping in mind that you only enter one letter at a time and then post the corresponding address under the specific letter of the alphabet! (EG: a = www[dot]apple[dot]com ---> Got it...? Good!) So let's go:

a - absa.co.za (Online banking for ZAGlamour)
b - blacknotes.co.za (Incredible life stream and South African blogger)
c - castlelarger.co.za (Funny, was very interested in the "Hero's for December" campaign)
d - davidanthonyalves.blogspot.com ("It was not meeee...it was the one-armed man!!!")
e - ecopreneur.co.za (South African blog by Charlie Bryant on entrepreneurialism in green industries)
f - facebook.com (Thanks Captain obvious!)
g - gmail.com (Noooo....I don't believe it!)
h - honda.co.za (Mostly because of the recent shitstorm I've had with them lately...crisis.)
i - iol.co.za (Was expecting www.inhabitat.com ---> Ok then...!)
j - janegoodall.org (Incredible institue that I'm hoping to get involved with - brand management...!)
k - klout.com (Ummm...I swear I don't check it that often...what?)
l - linkedin.com (Obviously because of recent activity...)
m - muti.co.za (I like that...was expecting www.mashable.com ---> interesting!)
n - news24.com (Again, was expecting nicharalambous.com but ok...!?)
o - oprah.com (Don't judge me...she has an awesome eco-orientated section to her website...shut up!!!)
p - twitpic.com (Don't ask, I like it ok...!)
q - **Don't have one - lame!!!**
r - recyclart.org (Industrial design site focused on recyclable materials ---> F*cking awesome!)
s - standardbank.co.za (Personal banking...duhhh!)
t - twitter.com (No shit!)
u - davidanthonyalves.blogspot.com (It was the "U" in |Swimming Upstream| ---> Name of my blog.)
v - vixxen.co.za (South African e-magazine for alternative women...what? It's a good resource...!)
w - wikipedia.org (Huge boners all round!)
x - http://wwwbesportier.com/archives/patron-xo-café.jpg (That is hilarious!!! Waaahahaha!!!)
y - youtube.com (More boners!)
z - zaglamour.com (My company's website ---> South African goodness!)

So, interesting to see, some lame, some not so lame...but all in all, I think that I could have spouted these off the top of my head if I really tried (except for the letter "x" ---> that is just horribly random!) You should give it a try...comforting to know I'm not too weird, apart from the Oprah link...

...I said SHUT UP!!!

Honda will burn!!!

2009-12-10T13:27:00.004+02:00

So, those of you who have been listening up on this debacle with Honda will know that yesterday (09/12/09) I picked up my car and unto my knowledge I had no idea what was to proceed the half baked smiles and seemingly soul crushing handshakes.

When I picked up the car yesterday, I was assured that there wouldn't be a problem with the car and that everything was in order. What the hell do I know, I'm a social commentator...how would I know what has been replaced and what hasn't. I handed over the courtesy car which I was slowly but surely falling in love with with every turn of its key.

I climbed into my own, feeling somewhat alien behind a wheel of a car I almost wanted to forget. Everything felt wrong or was it my subconscious playing on my mind forcing my senses to over analyze every single bump, tick, squeak and rattle in the car as I drove off. The bastards even managed to give me back my car with 1km of petrol left in it...thanks tossers!!! Driving off I felt this feeling of relief, satisfaction and a glimmer of ecstasy that it was over...the pain, the anxiety, the stress was over. It was finally done and the next time I'd have to see this sorry excuse for a service station would be at my next service...in another 30 000kms or so...(I had celebrated too soon)...

This morning, reeling with contentment from the previous day and evenings success as I even managed to take our weekly poker evening with the boys (I have not won in what seems literally months)...I climb in my unfamiliar front seat, turn the key and push my start button which resembles a dull ruby...she starts.................

THE.LIGHTS.THE F*CKING LIGHTS. THOSE GOD DAMN F*CKING LIGHTS.

It is pain, anguish, anxiety and utter rage all over again. I sat staring at my steering wheel for the next 30 minutes. I had to, if I had taken to the road I would have taken it out on the car, myself or whom ever I thought worthy of a serious head on collision. Yes, I felt like killing. Scary but not unbelievable for somewhat who is not considered a morning person. I hate mornings...and this one was no different.

I make my way to Honda cursing and swerving "my bitch" at random cars and pedestrians along the way. My rage was insurmountable and all the way in the back recesses of my mind I could hear a voice telling me to calm the f*ck down, it's just a car, it's their problem...relax!

"F*CK YOU LITTLE VOICE THAT COULD" ---> yes, it was an internal strife, don't judge me!

As I pulled up to the Honda Service Station, I had the incredible urge to follow up on my "pseudo threats" to drive my car through, not the doors, but through the showroom windows and onto the showroom floor. The urge was an incredible rush, it made me heated, physically hot all over! I felt like I was going to black out as I stopped breathing for I don't know how long.

I ask for "~~King Dick~~""The Service King" and patiently waited at the seating area on the showroom floor. Yes, I waited, didn't kick, scream or perform...I waited, silently, ready to pounce on the first troll to offer me a lift or a cup of tea ---> GRRRR!!! ---> I'm pathetic, I know...

He finally finds time out of his, apparently tremendously busy schedule to see me.

"Good Morning Sir ("Sir", I love that shit...I wanted to scream, now roll over and play dead!)" he said almost surprised to see me.

"Hello", I replied, steely, cold and ready to pounce.

"What seems to be the problem?" The Service King asked
"What do you think?" I answered, almost interrupting him.
"No, I can't believe it, it's impossible, it should have worked itself out now" said The Service King.
"Umm...no, it's still f*cked" I snapped, he now knows I mean business.

To cut this story somewhat short - because I'm actually finding this quite draining - is that he took the car back into the bellows of the cesspit and returned approximately an hour later. Yes an hour, by that time I had waged war on the irritations beauty therapists call cuticles. I have none let.

He handed over the keys reassuring me that he had reset the CPU (which these prats had done previously) and told me that "everything should be in order". I cannot tell you off hand what I will do tomorrow if I have to go through this again.

I am refusing to write another complaint through HelloPeter because of the magnanimous admin that that website puts you through just to lay a complaint about the accused. As much as I want to, I can't say "that these trolls better have gotten it right this time or I'll..."...yah, what can I do but bend over and take it up the tail pipe all over again???

Until tomorrow, this is David, the anal receiving Honda driver, painfully signing off.

Twitter Down ---> my life is over!!!

2009-12-07T10:05:00.004+02:00

So, anyone who's anyone with some kind of social media experience and knowledge knows that Twitter went down last night (Time Zone: South Africa: 01:15) and was off line for approximately 20-30mins and...(don't judge me...) it was as though my world had ended...not really, but at the time...my quarter past one in the morning temper went through the roof...I even had a go at the screen...pacing up and down my study questioning what could have lead to this ridiculously timed crash of a seemingly simple social media platform.

I calmed down and wondered to myself how many times Twitter had rolled down the curtain for an interlude since it's inception. Now whether the down time was for maintenance, debugging or Tim-The-Twitter-ToolMan-Taylor accidentally shut down the wrong server is unknown...what ever it was...it annoyed me to no end.

This morning I awoke to find I was again irritated, but directly at myself for how stupidly I acted in private about something so meaningless and pathetic. I even had a little chuckle about it...and I never laugh in the morning...EVAR!!! Had I become so dependent on Twitter to hear my "real time" thoughts? And the fact that I couldn't Tweet or let "the tworld" know what I was thinking at that specific moment in time made me boil over ---> don't get me wrong, it's not like I reached the point of taking a sledge hammer to my laptop, but it irritated me to the extent that I felt cheated, hard done-by and helpless ---> pathetic isn't it...?...I thought so too...

Well, this is an apology to you my precious MacBook Pro...please forgive me for the banter, swearing and physical threats I made to you in the wee hours of this morning...my aggression was unfounded and misplaced...

(Don't think I'm going to get an apology from "Shooogah" anytime soon...boooooo!)

Honda can go F*ck themselves...

2009-11-26T17:57:00.005+02:00

This post is being written with a head full of mucus, stiff body and on a stinkingly hot day.

To make a f*cking long story very short, I was in a bumper bashing some 6 weeks ago...after a huge annoyance with the panel beaters know as "Grand Panel Beaters" who did less than a shitty job putting my car back together (*FYI* My car was not aesthetically complete until I found out the true source of the electrical problems.). I took the car thinking everything was (relatively) hunky-doory, there was a front towing cap missing and some lines weren't right, but I needed it ok...the next morning I turn on the car and my ABS light and VSA (Stability Control) light comes on in the car. So I think to myself, this is definitely an electrical or "Honda Orientated" issue...so like any other dumbass, I take it on down to the dealership/service center where I originally bought the car...to explain what happened in dialogue orientated D!ck terms...

"Oh don't worry sir, simple problem to fix, the battery is probably run down from when the panel beaters fixed your car!" Says greasy person.

"Yah, that makes perfect sense, so what's the plan...?" I ask unbeknown of the bullsh!t that will ensue.

"We'll just reset the computer and everything will be fine" Said the grease monkey.

"Rocking!" I reply. (Dumbass)

So, everything seems fine and the brakes are perfect and off I go.

The next morning I wake up, turn on the car and *BANG* the f*cking same lights come on again - unf*ckingbelievable - so there I go, back to Honda and inquire once again about what the issue is.

What came from the second encounter with The Service King and Troupe at this sorry excuse for a dealership was that my battery must have dead cells in it or some sh!t...that's great...they then proceeded to want to charge me for a battery - R1200.00 - are you f*cked in the head??? I drive off searching frantically for a Battery Center, have another one installed and everything is back to being hunky-f*cking-doory...until the next morning...yes...you guess it...

I wake up, and the f*cking-b*tch-c*nt-lights come back on...you can imagine my utter rage...and I don't feel rage often, apart from right now...but yes, rage...so, back to The Cesspit known as Honda I go to complain yet again...hey...at least I got a new battery...wait...f*ck...that doesn't sound right...

So, I am eventually handed over to "The Service Manager" of the center, he rigs my car up to some ancient computer that tells him...not me...him, that my car's ABS Sensor and Pump have stopped working and could be damaged..."Oh, you think?"....

"That's great" I say, "What do you want me to do about it...?"

The Service King answers with, "It's not yours or my problem sir, it was the panel beaters prerogative to change this part as it was most likely damaged in the accident".

"Awesome" I say wanting to simultaneously jam his head in his own ass and make him take 10 deep breaths...(Burn)

I inevitably cannot handle the bullsh!t any more and ask Honda to deliver the car back to the panel beaters (Double Burn) thinking that I'm going to score here, they'll fix the last aesthetic issues I have with the car and they'll replace the ABS pump...(BURN!!!)

...a week later...yes, a week later I pick up the car...lines look great, the colour matches, new light, car cleaned as new...looked great, start it up...no issues...*Thank Christ* I think to myself (And I'm an Atheist...imagine!) So happy I could have f*cked it...the car I mean...

Next morning...7:15AM...the lights......................f*cking came on...again...the rage...ensues...

After spending a day on the phone between both Honda and Grand Panel Beaters, it was settled that there was a miss communication between the two of them and the part that was supposed to be changed...the f*cking ABS Pump...was not ordered or changed by the panel beaters as they weren't told by Honda...I scream..."Awesome" at the top of my lungs...

What was the final consensus was that the car would be sent back to Honda and they would change the part and the Panels Beaters will sort out the payment between them and Honda for the part...I think to myself, "This is great, the two of them can fight this out and I'll pick up my *biatch* when the smoke clears!" ------> Double Dumbass!!!

So the elusive ABS Pump is now nowhere in sight...literally, not a single dealership or parts warehouse has one in South Africa (Hard to believe it...well f*cking believe it sister...f*ck!)

I have been informed by The Service King that it will take 15 (working) days for the part to arrive from Japan or where ever the hell these parts come from...so, I submit...I can no longer fight...I am a beaten man and my car, like a castrated kitten, sits hopeless at that Cesspit of a Service Station...

Now the fun begins...it has been a week and I have been conveniently placed on the "courtesy car list" - oh, is that a list for all the f*cking morons you like to fob off because you can't handle them making kak for you all blady day??? Huh huhuhuhuhuh...! (BURN!!!)

Today, I have been down their throats about it and still nothing...even though my car has a motor plan, is still on warranty and is currently stored at the exact dealership I bought it from...

I. Am. Now. Ready. To. Kill. -------> (BURN!!!)

Being quiet, maybe too quiet...

2009-11-05T12:13:00.004+02:00

So my dear readers, or non-existent readers...

I have been somewhat quiet over the last couple of months, but this in no way implies that I have stopped writing, because I have and have been very diligent about what subjects I have approached. In the last couple of months I have been writing article for my digital magazine and it seems to be getting great reviews.

The articles have ranged from everything eco-orientated to social media and back again, so yes, I am trying my hand at some social commentary when it comes to industries such as fashion, which unfortunately I have no education about expect for my own sense of style which is probably still firmly planted in the late 90's - so sue me!

I was given some brilliant advise by one of my very good friends and social media "go-to-guy" Nic Haralambous who, I can assure you, has a much better resolve and education on the "blogosphere" in South Africa as well as social media trends...he advised me to not update my blog as often as I have been writing but to save my blogs, pre-schedule them as posts and have them bomb off, so-to-speak, randomly throughout the next couple of months. Unfortunately, i have not post anything in between my last post and this cry for a pardon (regardless of the amount, or lack of followers on my blog), owning a blog is a responsibility and I have not kept my side of the deal...and I apologise, through my teeth I must highlight.

Another reason "Nic The Guru" told me to hold back on the posting is that he explained to me that the quicker I switch to my own domain and a Wordpress theme, the more "legitimate" and "blogosphere accepted" my blog will be - what ever the hell that means, in essence, I get it and there is definite merit to it all. Hopefully I will be able to transfer most of the simple little touches I have added to this blog at the moment, such as my "Twitter Feed" and "Twit Pic's" which I thought I was being extremely clever in managing to do - (pats himself on the back!)

To end, I will do my best to keep writing updates posts to relieve the cobwebs that seem to be making themselves at home on my blog.

"Bang-----------and the dirt is gone!"

When will people see "Green" as "Better"?

2009-09-13T22:02:00.007+02:00

There is an old saying that goes like this, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" - this really pisses me off...

Who said anything was broken and who in their right mind knows of the correct direction in which to make things better? This post raises the question, "when will going green be seen as better"? My honest opinion on the matter is, I have no idea, I wish I knew and more so, wish the general public knew it too. South Africa is slowly starting to embrace what they believe is a "better and greener" future. Pikitup, our governmental crap-collectors, have now commissioned a new initiative into waste separation by means of fantastically coloured bags, it's brilliant...but not so brilliant at the same time...why was this initiative not activated 10 years ago? Has anyone been to the national Landfill we have decorated our beautiful Midrand with? It is disgraceful to say the least, if I had a cent for every time I gagged at my last visit I would be able to fund Julius's Presidential Campaign trail...FFS!

Johannesburg's Executive Mayor, Amos Masondo may appear to be pulling out all the stops when it comes to environmental awareness in South Africa, but to us Eco-Foondies, this initiative goes into the spam pile. We, the few, have been separating our waste for years now, making their jobs easier. In the patriotically written blurb in Thursday's, The Citizen (10/09/09), it highlights some of the key factors of Pikitup's pilot project:

Part 1 (which I love dearly...)

"The Red Card initiative is aimed at empowering ordinary citizens. If citizens see anyone littering they can show them the Red card and say it is not cool to do what the offender is doing. A citizen will have the right to immediately call the contact number on the card to inform the authorities who in turn will take the appropriate action" said Masondo.

What a load of sh-t. Are you telling me that if you see someone littering, you have the right to walk straight up to them, in referee style stance, and show them the "Red Card"? Oooooh, I'm shaking in my crocs, come on, they cannot be serious, and where are those "Red Cards", where the hell are mine? I would have gone through a governmental sized years supply of blady Red Cards just this weekend alone. I'd love to see this initiative being enforced in South Africa, someone is just looking for a slap here. As much as I have just slammed this, Part 1, maybe instead of such a tactile approach to littering, why not set up an "Environmental Protection" Hotline, it can even be SMS based to make it easier for "budding environmental protection agents"? Haven't we got a Hotline for practically everything in South Africa...why not this? Why a flipping Red Card...?

Part 2 (Too little, too late...?)

"Separation at Source" - brilliant! What an excellent term that no doubt will be coined upon over and over again in time to come. What Masondo has put forward is an initiative not to teach people nor to educate people on the benefits of waste separation, but to simply give the general public the means to separate their waste. Paper goes in this one, Plastic in this one? Brilliant, 7 more plastic bags for every one South African out there...I mean, where has the common sense disappeared to? Look, I admire the initiative and I think it'll be great in the long run, but what happens if the "long run" is too far to blady run? I feel as though a community based education should have been their first priority, to teach the general public the simple benefits of waste separation! It's all well and good giving people pretty coloured bags to put their waste into, but from that point, if they have no inkling as to where that separated waste is going and why...why should they separate that waste to begin with? Because they're going to get Red Carded by the "Green Police"...seriously, give me a break!

Another couple of points I dislike about this new "waste separation" initiative, why have Pikitup designated a bag for "Garden Waste"...have they never heard of a compost heap? It's education like that that needed to be communicated before this initiative went public.

I fear for the worst when I think about all of this, where were the warnings? Where were the Public Relations? Where are the Public Announcements? The community awareness is almost nil, and it's a shame, really it is.

Any thoughts Sustainable South Africa...?

Who "owns" your Tweets?

2009-09-13T11:16:00.019+02:00

As we all know, Twitter has been one of the biggest online media platforms to circumnavigate the internet since the great start-ups such as MySpace and Facebook.

For those of you who are unclear about what Twitter is, you shouldn't be reading blogs, or commenting on them for that matter, so please do me a f--king favour and move on to the next blog...relax, if you are interested in reading on, here's a little blurb about what Twitter is and how it's used:

Twitter is a Social Media Platform for people who just have to "write" about "what you they're doing at a specific moment in time" or what's on their minds and evidently cannot keep it to themselves, I should know, I'm one of them (Example: I'm sitting on the toilet, it's great.).

Twitter allows people to post comments, limited to 140 characters long, as well as link web addresses to your "Tweets" (Twitter's name for your comments) that you might find interesting or enriching of your "Tweet".

You are also able to "Follow" people on Twitter, meaning you have the option to be constantly updated with what a specific person has to say or "Tweet". As you build up your list of people to "Follow" as well as your "Tweet" count, so you will be "Followed" in return. Twitter is all about your "Following", the more you "Tweet", the more "Followers" you'll get!

Just remember a few things...

You can protect your Tweets, allowing only the people who Follow you to view your Tweets, it's secure, but limits your scope on potential Followers
You are what you Tweet, be careful what you say if you choose to keep your Tweets public, there are very attentive people out there
Twitter is mobile and you can update your Twitter account "on the move" with great mobile applications - with out a doubt, the way of the future which will be covered in another post

If you want some more help with Twitter, take some time to do research on the company and the online platform before you go off to your friends and complain about how "crap" it is because, "No one is following me..."...Boo Hoo Captain Tweet...have a read of this blog for some insight into why this phenomenon could be happening to you - http://bit.ly/GYSmV - it's informative!

Now, to get back to more pertinent issues...is it just me or is Twitter making amendments to their Terms of Service every 2 months or so? I'd think that a major online corporation like Twitter would have had these so called "dynamic" amendments sorted out by now...or maybe I should be embracing the idea that a company like Twitter has to be constantly, flexing and bending their own rules in order to grow and adapt to their already incomprehensible following?

There is no doubt that Twitter is an incredible part of the online evolution as well as the ever growing mobile evolution, but I still stand firm in my opinion when I say that I would have thought Twitter would have their Tweeting-Tweet-Tweet-Shit sorted out by now...

@Green_Guerrilla on Twitter

Remebering Teri Smith - R.I.P.

2009-09-11T11:02:00.009+02:00

Teri Smith 1985 - 2009

Rocker, Friend, Party-lover, Hilarious, Kind, Sweet, Loving...Teri Smith contracted Meningitis, unfortunately slipped into a coma and pronounced brain dead on Friday morning (04/09/09) - she will be missed and never forgotten.

"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

To one of the most beautiful, intelligent, wonderful and sensitive people I have ever known, you will always remain in my heart Teri-Berrie.

If you had the pleasure of knowing this incredible person, you will know how much this planet will miss her.

Love Always

David

Introduction to me: David Alves

2009-09-10T18:45:00.033+02:00

Hi there and Welcome to My Blog,

Firstly, thank you for viewing and reading My Blog.

I have taken the plunge into Blogging as an online release due to the limiting factors I find social media networks have these days. I am an avid Twitter user as well as Facebook and MySpace, yet, I find the outlet for freedom of expression some what limiting and thus have constructed this page. I am the owner of two companies, namely Guerrillas Gone Green and ZAGlamour. Both have their own identities and both capture very different sectors of the business world.

To start: An Overview of my current business world

Guerrillas Gone Green - http://www.guerrillasgonegreen.com/

Guerrillas Gone Green is an environmentally-friendly advertising agency devoted to offsetting our carbon footprint for every advertising campaign we are involved in as well as for our monthly energy consumption.

We integrate Guerrilla Marketing techniques and Environmental consciousness to create cutting edge advertising campaigns all the while using socially responsible methods.

Our Methods Include:

"Reverse Graffiti"
"Projection Advertising"
"Flash Mobbing"
"Moss Sculpturing"

AND Guerrillas Gone Green "Green Mobs" which are volunteer driven community clean up "mobs" who can be branded with logo's, buy-lines and corporate images creating a socially responsible avenue for corporate clients to advertise their brands.Using our unique methods we create an alternative means of advertising for small, medium and major corporations, both locally and Worldwide.

ZAGlamour - http://www.zaglamour.com/

At ZAGlamour, we pride ourselves as being a leader in the alternative advertising industry via our interactive online magazine. We are proud to say that we are totally devoted to the promotion of the undiscovered talent within the glamour industry of South Africa which includes, photography and its associated photographers, undiscovered models and designers of all kinds. A major part of ZAGlamour is the interactivity that the website provides to its subscribers.

All of our contracted models are active bloggers on the website giving a media platform for subscribers to interact with our gorgeous models through comments and replies to their insightful and humorous blogs. Another major interactivity of ZAGlamour is our glamorous events which will be held at premium venues throughout the country. This is a chance for the subscribers and invited ZAGlamour VIP's to meet the Girls of ZAGlamour in a social environment.

At these exclusive events, all ZAGlamour invitees will be given VIP treatment by means of exclusive prize give-ways on the night as well as sponsored beverages. As a company, ZAGlamour is constantly striving to put itself forward to the public in every way possible in order to portray an approachable and welcoming, yet glamorous demeanor.

This attitude extends to every part of the company and its interactions with its members on the website as well as at ZAGlamour Premium Events.

As one can see, my business interests are vast and I here I hope to share my love for the business world I have created as well as unique and innovative business ventures I deem pertinent to myself, South Africa and hopefully you, my readers.

Look out for some personal banter on the way soon!

Regards

David Alves